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the placebo effect [30 Apr 2006|09:13pm]

[ mood | artistic and alone ]

remember that whenever you take a breath,
i am always thinking of you.
and every time you stop breathing,
i am always there,
holding you close to my heart.

[i love you ashley]

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

i noticed that its been a whie since anyone has probably even been here. so i thought i would drop a line and make sure this place is not growing cobwebs.

love you all.
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it's alive! [06 Dec 2005|09:41pm]

let's bring back this haven of creativity...
someone, anyone.. ! ?
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[05 Jan 2005|10:49am]


So, what part of resistance is hard to understand?

Where is it written that the sense of touch kills it?

Resist, control your own revolution.

But I’m terrified of watching my emotions face the guillotine.



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[30 Dec 2004|11:27pm]

"Men often applaud an imitation and hiss the real thing."-Aesop (620-560B.C.)
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[18 Dec 2004|07:50pm]

"...the story of women and the moon. Of how woman is connected to it and shares its rhythms. That a woman's tides, her blood tides, connect with the moon, That this is how women know in their bodies that they are a part of everything, even something so distant as the moon...A woman, living in nature, is full when the moon is full, no? And if a lit of women live together, they and the moon are full at the same time; when the moon releases and begins to wane, that is when they release their blood...Now, during this time, a man may not make love to a woman, she feels somewhat irratable, somewhat messy, though she does not mind, since she and the moon are sharing, as they say, a big moment. But for sure there is a period in there when women just naturally does not want to be bothered! ...there is a period of recoveryfrom the "bog moment" that women have had with the moon, when men are unsure how or whether they will be received; then there is a period whe sexual contact must be avoided unless one wants children...then, there is the dark of the moon, when not a whole lot is happening either! But then, just when the men have given up hope, the moon appears again...it appears as a smile! Very tentative at first, but pretty soon, a wide grin! For by now the women are totally receptive. It is a good time to make love! The cresent moon is the moon smiling its light on the good lovemaking that is to come!...If you are in love, and going to meet your lover, to make love, you think of the moon as a father, happily looking down on you." By the light of my Father's Smile by Alice Walker
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inject your soul with liberty [20 Sep 2004|07:46pm]

[ mood | blah ]

to all those parents with sleepless nights
sleepless nights
tie your kids up to their beds
clean their heads

what do you want to be when you grow up?

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shot [20 Sep 2004|06:33pm]

[ mood | mischievous ]

Here I am, tapestries of makeup crawling down my skin, pores screaming out for freedom. There you are, touching me as if a dream, music drowning out my innocence’s final pleas. Here we are filling empty spaces with holes of forbidden scenes.

Act one we circle, predator meets trigger. Act two you attack the barrel, blood soaks the silver screen. Act three I touch you, regretting slaughter of such a perfect machine.

Behind the curtain, you wipe off the stain, my tainted weapon lays unguarded. You circle me, I stand still. Would you kill such a perfect creature? Capable of murder.

You snicker at the gun, and head for my neck.

You killed me with pleasure, do with me what you will.

My body is your trophy, yet I end up just another one of your kills.

You don’t even give me a gravestone.

My ashes washed away with your blood.

What was left of this psycho love is what brought it on.

The bullet in the gun.

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[17 Sep 2004|05:57pm]

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[14 Sep 2004|11:06pm]

just because I'm curious.. all you seniors out there..

which universities are you applying to?

don't you hate being asked that question though? everyone asks.
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i am mute, i am free. [06 Sep 2004|11:48am]

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scene 1: [06 Sep 2004|11:05am]


“I long for your bones the way you desire an impulse from these lips but mind you… the chances of my killing you are higher than you ever fucking me; again.”

She circled her victim who was paralyzed from the neck down.

“The substance you were injected with prohibits your use of any part of your body but your head, which then again never came to much use in your case anyways.”

She tore the metallic duck tape from his mouth.

“I... I…”

She interrupted

“Stop stuttering, I didn’t grant you speech to waste half an hour hearing your crap.” She sat directly across from him, and crossed her legs as she played with the pearls on her wrist.

“I’m sorry.” He muttered through suffocated tears.

She let out a roar of laughter, “Hah! Sorry? Ladies and gentlemen of the juror, the offender is sorry. Oh in that case I guess ill just let you go now…”

His eyes brightened, as if he were viewing the caring girl he had courted before

“Oh woopsie darling, I forgot, you can’t move! Pity, I think ill change my mind.”

She stood from her chair and walked over to the sofa on which he lay, an antique covered in leopards fur with gold leaf trim adding to its beauty.  She sat on his waist and stared over at him.

“Now, now… You can’t even feel me on you, can you?”

“No.” He breathed heavily and attempted to cough but his body would not allow him to.

She straddled him, and still looked down.

“How defenseless you look. How… worthless. Can you feel me now, scum?”


She reached to the wall covered in red velvet and pulled a sword that hung into her hand, but remained straddling him.

“Oh?” she smiled at him, touching his earlobe with her left hand. She put the sword to his neck with the right and gazed at him. “You’re just waiting for me to do it aren’t you? You have probably already selected the color of your coffin and made your will. You knew this would happen didn’t you?”

She removed the sword from his neck.

“I wouldn’t give you the satisfaction of a quick death even if you deserved it.”

She stood, and prepared herself a drink.

“Care for a black velvet? The Perrier is chilled.” She sipped her drink and walked over to the record player.

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announcement [04 Sep 2004|09:36am]

[ mood | cynical ]

school sucks even more with meglet and jessyq gone


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a new word for your vocabulary: [02 Sep 2004|10:48am]

[ mood | complacent ]

kisslut/kissluttiness: to kiss freely and without hesitation. now ask yourself, are you a kisslut? i don't judge.

i just kiss.

[stolen from someone]

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em llet easelp ,sterces [21 Aug 2004|11:37pm]

[ mood | aggravated ]

one week. i let you in for,

I yelled with my eyes.
that's why you noticed.
I'm yelling commands.
but you can't hear them.
you see something i don't
need you to.
you are my next mistake.
no-- i've already next it.

don't you love it when, it sounds better when you're thinking of the idea for something brilliant, but when it all comes down to the end.. it does not seem as great? that's probably why no one understands. because you cannot even understand how to express what you want without anyone knowing.

I'll read that in a year from now, and probably will be thinking,
"that was either about that, or this.."

we write and write.. I know that maybe one line out of twenty different lines I write will be the only one I like.
then I start to repeat.
and then I feel lame for writing something ugly.

you know what would be great? if I didn't even care about trying to hide what the subject of my writing was. I could just put it up in huge letters, I'M SAYING THIS, AND I WANT NO ONE TO CARE.

but I won't, because if the right person finds it, it will all be over. and I would blush.

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[14 Aug 2004|10:25pm]


ok i got this pic from a person on xanga...they're username is regretable..i think anywho..i thought it was awesome...


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fuzzy llama [10 Aug 2004|12:57am]

[ mood | seductive ]

to the sound of bowie
to the lights of the submarine
to the colors of everything obscene
to the heat of you and me
kill the volume of the nextel
lets roadtrip to hell
[edit: this has nothing to do with vibrators ey, its about two people hah.]

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... i have one word for you: [09 Aug 2004|04:46pm]

[ mood | jubilant ]


muahahaha. hahah. hah.. ha! ha ha ha ha. HA HA... HAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahaaaaaaaaaa. hah.

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MOOOOOO [08 Aug 2004|06:40pm]
[ mood | empty ]

mary janeCollapse )

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quotes in which i find truth [07 Aug 2004|09:49am]

[ mood | dorky ]

There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it.
George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950), "Man and Superman" (1903), act 4

I've been trying for some time to develop a lifestyle that doesn't require my presence.
Gary Trudeau (1948 - )

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth *and* fresher breath.
Dave Barry (1947 - ), "Kids Today: They Don't Know Dum Diddly Do"

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Ernest Hemingway (1899 - 1961)

He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.
Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001), "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"

Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.
Edgar Allan Poe (1809 - 1849), "Eleonora"

Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.
William Dement

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Susan Ertz, Anger in the Sky
...ok so i have no life...egh whatever

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epiphany [06 Aug 2004|10:49pm]

[ mood | ponder-esque' ]

life. so many meanings, usually turned meaningless. so many harassings of ending that word brought about by impulse and emotions. humans live off of emotions. humans live off of illusions. reality, and the things that happen around you are interpreted differently by yourself than by others. so, where is the reality in that? which is an illusion, and which is real? you willl never know. love, one of the many illusions turned meaningless. the only illusion that seems to make this reality worth living.

just some food for thought. adieu.

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